How many years did I spend walking around and making decisions in darkness? There were times when ignorance was indeed bliss, aimless walking felt liberating, and blowing where the wind blew seemed invigorating. However, I got to a point where those steps in darkness created endless circles and I wondered how did I end up there, here, and over there.
As women, we long to be captivated, wooed, and adored - it’s how we, for those who are willing to admit it, are deeply wired. Part of Eve’s role was to be Adam’s “helpmate” and “a crown to her husband.” Therefore, if there is a desire to “help” or serve, there is a longing that we wish and desire to fulfill. You might ask, “Well how is that connected to wanting to be captivated and adored?” Well, captivated in essence means to attract and hold the attention of, by beauty or by excellence. So whether it’s providing beauty from outside or within, whether it’s committing acts of service and deeds, whether it’s providing affection and love - it all stems from that longing to fulfill someone’s desire. Typically, we are driven to serve or provide this beauty or excellence to men. As many psychologists have stated, one’s initial connection (or lack thereof) with the opposite sex creates our comfort level, association, and viewpoint with how we later interact with the opposite sex - particularly romantically. As I stated in the first post, I have often observed (as our society does too) how fatherless daughters are “in search for love in all the wrong places” or “never knew love because [their] father wasn’t around, or ”[they] didn’t understand how a man should treat [them] so [they] just accepted (fill in the blank).“ I grew up with the best man I have ever known on this earth: my father. There are no words to describe his presence that still permeates my life as I carry [him] in my heart (I love E.E Cummings by the way). So, most would assume that having a great father couldn’t possibly have any heartbreaking effects, let alone a distanced father/daughter relationship - the other mark on the spectrum…what a major misconception.
Although I have a mother, who I have a greater respect and love for today than I did growing up, I pretty much was my daddy’s shadow growing up. When I was scared at night, I crawled on his side of the bed, not my mother’s. When he left to run errands, I went with him. I would not fall asleep without lying on his chest as a little girl to hear his heart beat. As I became an adult, he became my biggest cheerleader. With all that said, it’s safe to say this is all I knew and subconsciously assumed this same adoration, this same faithfulness, this same support is what I could expect from men. No, these are not wrong desires to have from a mate, however, when these expectations are not met exactly the way we like, our happiness and joy is thwarted - hence the unfair aspect. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had wonderful and meaningful relationships with upstanding, decent men; however, none of them had a standing chance because of my expectations and perception of love.
Now that my father is no longer here on earth, I had to figure out how to navigate through life without my only sense of a father. I naturally felt fatherless, directionless, and (dare I say) pointless. Who and what am I without my father and his love for me? Who was I to make smile the way my father smiled at me? Who was I going to make proud of with every new goal I reached? These on top of endless other questions consumed my being for the longest. But, I surrendered everything I ever knew to God and let him piece my life, my love, my being back together. So how do the daddy’s girl’s, abandoned girls, and distanced girls all share a sense of "Daddy Woes?” We all must lay an eternal foundation of knowing WHO we are and WHOSE we truly are first.
Children of the Most High
Psalm 82:5-6
“They do not know, nor do they understand;
They walk about in darkness;
All the foundations of the earth are unstable.
I said, ‘You are gods, And all of you are [daughters] of the most High.’”
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